Got to drive back to my apartment in the Bronx tonight in the piss pouring rain. Yay.
I have a lot of cleaning left to do before I leave this shit place tomorrow morning after my meteorology final, but I decided to write this instead for some reason. It probably wont take me very long to clean the 3 square feet of this shoebox anyways.
My experience at this school has truly been one of the worst of my entire life, and I write this nonhyperbolically. It is a gorgeous looking shit-hole. Most of the professors are terribly under-qualified, the food was shit when I'd had to eat it, half the student population are members of the klan (again-nonhyperbolic), staff look at you like youre batshit insane if you're even the slightest bit alternative looking, and the campus--miraculously--is beautiful. Massive fucking bridges on either side, the best view I've seen of Manhattan over the water, East River on all sides, and ships constantly moving in and out of the harbor.
I was raised my whole life on a 27ft sailboat my dad and grandfather fixed up when my father had been a teenager. Lived my entire life on an island that left me max 30 minutes from a beach on either shore at any given moment. I watched a group of baby ducks grow up outside my dorm window, and while walking to my last civ lecture at sunset I made myself late watching all the little fuzzy babies bobbing around in the cold river next to their mom.
Leaving marine science might have been the wrong choice, but I don't know how many semesters left of research and four labs a week I had in me. It just rips any passion you have for the subject straight out of your chest and dunks it into brine. Constantly being around engineering students that proudly let chatgpt do the entirety of their work and cannot for the life of them form a cohesive, original sentence. Fucking soul rotting. And then you just step out and watch the ducklings bob up in down over swell coming off cargo ships toting in fuel oil that'll help all the commuters churn ground level ozone from their cars like butter. All while living and paying taxes in a borough that's red lined to shit, overpolices its neighborhoods, but still every other day you hear about a twelve year old shot in a McDonalds play-pen.
Have no idea where this is going, honestly it just got depressing. I love the city, and I love the Bronx, I really do. I never got to feel so quite so apart of life until I'd moved away from home. Apart of it instead of just watching. The good days were always when I'd left campus, all the shit dates I went on with people who I fucked over by thinking of them as friends instead of how they'd wanted me to. It was legitimately all very fun, and I can't bring myself to feel bad about it.
Maybe my new campus will feel like a city. Or maybe I'll have friends that don't live millions of miles from me.